反正Julie沒有規定不可以公開

我開心就丟上來拉

雖然我知道相當不可能會有人很好心的幫我改

但是路過的也好,專心看完的也好,看到吐血的也好

看在幫助一個小小的網路寫手分上

如果可以的話,請給一點點建議吧...

  • (1) The stranger -in the story "The Verb to Kill"

It's a rainy, dark September evening. The wind is dashing the rain against the window of my house. There's a knock at the door. I jump to my feet and race to the window beside the door. I try to identify the man through the window which is blurred by the heavy rain and mist. He stands straight still like a soldier. He might be taller than my door. I use a piece of tissue to wipe out the mist on the window inside the house to see more clearly. He is in a drenching wet, dark blue jacket. He notice my observation on him. As he turns and stare back at me, I saw his eyes reflects the warm yellow light from my home's living room, but the reflection turns frozen cold in his gray eyes. One A4 size package is grabbed by him so hard that his blue veins climb on the right hand. I stare at him, he stares back at me, like the way a wolf would stare at his dinner. The burning firewood and the rain is the only sound I could hear until his haste knock again shake the door and cut off any other sound. There's no other choices, I have to open the door.

 

  • (2) The stranger -free created

     It was a sunny afternoon. As expected, many people in their costumes gather there. Yet, she could only sees him. He's in the jeans and a sleeveless jacket just like the poster in her room. A camera is ready to capture pictures. He is smiling, like the way she remembers. His blue eyes gives her the impression of sunny autumn blue sky, so far and so bright. She desperately wants to go closer to him to talk to him, just like the way in her dreams. From gazing at him, she thinks it wouldn't ache her neck to speak to him, for he's higher than her by just about ten to fifteen centimeters. He's older than her according to the setting. Yet, he looks really mature in his kind of long dark hair and expression. That's him. After a while, he notices her, the girl stands there look at him for a long time. He comes up to her, smiling. He's taller than she expects. When he stops his steps just in front of her, she feels like fainting. "Mathume!" Somebody calls him in the name that she doesn't know. That moment reminds her that he's just a stranger to her, not the one she expected. She knows that the one she waited for is in the cartoon. That smile on his face may be real, but also may be a white lie just like his contact lens with color light blue. She gives him a heartily smile and say "your friends are waiting." He turns reluctantly, doesn't know what to say. She take up the camera on her hand to take a photo of this familiar stranger. It's a cosplay in the sunny autumn afternoon on the green hill.

 

  • (3) Night Sounds

Surrounded by at least ten buildings of fifteen floor apartment, I was standing alone in the wind that rolling and sweeping the little courtyard. The wind was roaring in this fall night. I heard the children run around and play in the wind. The father chased after the children to ask his son to slow down and put on a coat. The laughter of children soon merged into the tune of the wind. From which direction I could not tell, the clear melody of the pats and the turning shovel's cooking song pull me back into the memory scene of my mother's cooking in the kitchen. The cold wind was soften and warmed by the smell of delicious home-made dishes. The watch utter the little sound for the passing of time. It was like a countdown in the day time, but just a metronome which can calm people down in this cold wind. Distant car and motorcycle noises came appear in the wind up and down like a rising-tide and ebb tide, affected by the traffic lights. Look upon the busy city's sky, the moon and stars were shining there, above any building. The voice of wind never stop trying to isolate me from the world to make me hear the tune that the moon and stars are humming but no human ear can receive but perceive. Their voice has long been forged into the night wind to touch the leaves of the tree, to sweep the soil cover the earth, to paddle the surface of water, and to comfort and accompany any living beings for millions of years.

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DEJA VU Chaircat

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